Posted by The Dean of Cincinnati

Photo courtesy of here.

A few weeks ago, Melva Gweyn and her merry band of bandits were on the front page of the Enquirer’s local news section.  Their Westwood Civic group was awarded $1,000,000 by City Hall for their pet project:  buying properties they don’t like, such as apartments buildings where poor people live, and demolishing them. 

But what is the mathematical breakdown of this money from the perspective of population?  According to 2000 census numbers, how much money did City Council give per Westwood resident?  And furthermore, how much money would other neighborhoods receive were all things fair in terms of money transfers from City Hall to community groups?

This document breaks down Cincinnati population by age, race, and neighborhood.  In 2000, Westwood had 35,730 people.  With a little math, that makes the welfare check to Melva Gweyn equal about $28 per person.

For the sake of comparison, let’s look at a smaller neighborhood, like Mt. Airy.  It has 9,710 people.  That comes to $271,880. 

So where is Mt. Airy’s $271,880? 

Maybe a smaller neighborhood, like Mt. Airy, should follow Westwood’s lead.  I have identified the following steps for earning preferential treatment from City Hall:

1.  Form a PAC.  Westwood has the POWR PAC.  They give money, and their endorsement is widely publicized.  And get a snazzy name, too—like MAD PAC (Mt. Airy Demands), or something of the sort.

2.  Start a neighborhood controversy.  Melva Gweyn’s group got Westwood in a frenzy over Section 8 housing.  This boosts attendance at meetings, which is great for getting politicians to speak before the group, since they always need to feel good about acquiring future votes.

3.  Complain frequently at City Hall Committee and Council meetings.  Representatives should attend the speakers’ forum and make loud speeches as much as possible.  This tactic was used by people like Melva Gweyn to attain visibility.

If history is a guide, these three simple steps can transform your community council into a highly publicized political machine.  Politicians will try to appease you to get your PAC’s endorsement.  The news may write stories about you the more visible you become.  These are great prerequisites for getting $28 per resident in your neighborhood for pet projects, like tearing down buildings.

Thank you for reading (and printing from) The Cincinnati Beacon.