Hot News!
• Proportional Representation: Christopher Smitherman v. Jeff Berding
• Portune’s Deal, Unopposed Republican Judges, and the Case for Proportional Representation
Contact Us
v mail, fax: (214) 481-6464
e mail: click here
Events
 |
|
|
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Secrets Revealed! Inside the Smitherman Conspiracy Encampment
Posted by The Dean of Cincinnati
After having shown my loyalty online for several weeks, I finally received the thing for which I had wished continually: an invitation to the Smitherman secret headquarters! I arrived at Smitherman’s North Avondale home, and slipped around to the back, banging the few short taps of the secret knock onto the storm door. Tracy Gragston answered, asking the secret question, “How many roads must a man walk down?” I answered, feeling like I had the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything. Gragston opened the door, and led me to the study, where he tugged on a book—the bylaws of the NAACP—revealing a secret tunnel leading downward into a labyrinth.
When I arrived, everyone was present. In addition to Gragston, there was Justin Jeffre and the entire Green Party. There was Jim Clingman, too. He was hypnotizing a crowd of future converts, dangling an old pocketwatch before their sheepish eyes. Their conversion was almost complete.
Sitting on a throne was Smitherman himself. After I bowed, and kissed his ring, I asked what I could do to serve. I pledged my allegiance, promising to do whatever necessary to get him elected to City Council. He bedazzled me with promises of material for blog entries once elected.
We discussed the plan to take over the NAACP, and how once Smitherman was a Cincinnati City Councilmember and president of the Cincinnati NAACP, there would be no stopping us! The sheer force of those two political positions, when combined, would put Smitherman in line to become the next dictator of Earth!
I was promised my very own Deanship—one far more expansive than of Cincinnati alone. Perhaps The Dean of Hamilton County, or even The Dean of Ohio! If I played my cards right, perhaps I could land myself The Dean of The U.S.A. Such an honor would only come if I swore to do whatever Smitherman asked, forevermore.
He handed me a small packet. It was a list of the next week’s worth of blog entries. I pledged to post them, according to the schedule he gave me.
• Share This Article!
Listen to this article
|  |
Register
Anonymous comments are allowed, but you can create an account above to stamp your name and to avoid typing the anti-spam code.
If you are not familiar with our rules for leaving comments, click here! The Cincinnati Beacon is not responsible for the contents of any comments. Comments do not represent the views of the moderators of The Cincinnati Beacon.
25 Jul 2007 at 09:54 am | #
.
Quid pro quo
Typical politician, typical fishwRap publication. Nothing like, new media going mainstream ?
Great attempt to buy in, but, we fear next election both will feel left out ?
The entire ‘green party’, in one room ?
Click those heels and goose-step forward, power is the absolute answer to the ills of society ?
If you don’t like the real party, take your ball and go home to perceived ‘greener pastures !
Seems, more like, a hard row to mow ?
.
25 Jul 2007 at 10:59 am | #
Huh?
I think FF must have spent too much time in a secret underground labyrinth of his own!
25 Jul 2007 at 01:43 pm | #
The skull & bones, but don’t tell anybody it is a secret.
25 Jul 2007 at 02:32 pm | #
Hiding in plain sight ?
Great strategy, Dean.
25 Jul 2007 at 07:03 pm | #
speaking of people with too much time on their hands: do you have a visible means of support?
26 Jul 2007 at 06:09 am | #
Dean, I’m just a little confused. Did you take the red pill or the blue pill?
27 Jul 2007 at 05:19 am | #
At least you’re finally coming clean. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
27 Jul 2007 at 07:01 am | #
I took both pills. What the hell, right?
27 Jul 2007 at 09:06 am | #
Just remember what the dormouse said.