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On today's date in The Beacon archives, we published:
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•Debunkify Countdown for July 10th (2006)
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Thursday, July 05, 2007
Crazy Creationist Logic Reapplied, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Posted by The Dean of Cincinnati
Photo courtesy of here.
Everyone has probably heard the oldest scare tactic in the book to get people to believe in God. It goes something like this: If you believe in God, and it turns out there is not one, nothing is lost upon death; however, if you do not believe in God, and it turns out there is one, you will suffer eternal damnation in Hell. I wonder why Creationists don’t apply that thinking to the issue of Global Warming? If one acts like there is Global Warming, and there is not, nothing is lost; however, if there is Global Warming, and one does nothing to stop it, we are all damned to an ice age and massive deaths!
I absolutely hate the craziness of some Creationists. They seem to think that people cannot destroy the Earth because before that time all who have been saved by Jesus will be taken off to paradise. (I guess Global Warming is just for the “left behinds.”)
What I find most ironic is that most hard-lined Creationists are not Catholic—they are some form of Protestant. Look at the root word there: “protest.” Specifically, the early church reformers like Martin Luther protested the authority of the Pope. How could a single man allege to enact the will of God?
Taken to its logical conclusion, however, Protestantism totally deconstructs itself: if people are not adequate authorities to enact God’s will, then how does anyone know God’s will? Through scripture written by people? How is that any more authoritative than the Pope?
In any event, what I really think we need to be thinking about are pirates.
For those who don’t know, it has already been proven that the increase in global temperature has coincided with a decrease in the global population of pirates. We are being punished by our Creator, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who loves pirates.
Has anyone noticed that the more we become aware about global warming (and therefore stand to fix the problem), the more pirates are rising? The Cincinnati Museum center is now hosting the “Real Pirates” exhibit. And in the Northside 4th of July parade, there was a whole section of pirates.
To sum: support pirates, in case the FSM is real; however, if the FSM is not real, nothing bad will happen by supporting pirates. Support combating Global Warming; however, if Global Warming is not real, nothing bad will happen by reducing carbon emissions.
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06 Jul 2007 at 07:23 am | #
Does anyone know how creationists “disprove” the speed of light?
06 Jul 2007 at 07:51 am | #
First you campaign against Phil Heimlich - then you make an about face, with your conversion to FSMism and say we SHOULD support pirates !
From what little I have read, the speed of light is slowing down. Apparently, to prove the consistency of the bible, one must understand that everything else is inconsistent.
06 Jul 2007 at 08:17 am | #
Don’t forget about Unicorns, the Tooth Fairy, and the Boogey Man (A.K.A. Satan).
Creationists are the intellectual decedents of the people who denied the heliocentric universe for hundreds of years despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.
These are same people who used to tie the hands and feet of “witches” and throw them in lakes. The theory being that if she was a witch, she would free herself, but if she drowned, well, she must not have been a witch.